Illusion
by ohnoitstori
Summary: In a world where nothing lives, and nothing can be born...   My take on the story of the girl and the robot, minus the robot. Based on the limited information given in Clannad. NOT Afterstory. You don't have to know Clannad to read. FINISHED!
1. Lonely Existence

**A/N: This is loosely based off of the story in Clannad about the girl and the robot. In my story, however, the girl failed to make the robot. I hope you like this story :)**

**Disclaimer- I own most of this story, but I don't own Clannad. Loosely based, but still credit is due to the makers of Clannad.**

In a world where nothing lives, and nothing can be born, a girl lives in a small room. Only a table and a chair is inside the room. The room is in the middle of a vast, dry prairie with mountains in the horizon. The girl stands outside most of the day. There are light orbs floating outside. The girls lives a lonely, dreary existence.

What is to come of her in this lifeless world? A world where nothing lives and nothing dies?

The girl created her self the name of Amaterasu, though the name can only fall on her lips, and no one else's. 'She who illuminates heaven.' That is the meaning of the name. The girl thought the name was beautiful, as she was born into this world without a name.

"Ah-mah-tehr-ah-soo." The girl parts her sealed lips and sounds out her name.

The only voice the girl can hear is her own, though it is a rare occasion that she speaks. She doesn't see the reason sometimes. But the girl likes to see the bright side of life, and she knows that there must be a reason she was born into this world. Everything happens for a reason. Where had she heard that? Certainly not in this world.

Nothing exists here except for the girl. Amaterasu believes that to live in this world is her fate. Alone. In another life, possibly, had she done something wrong? Was she being punished for a wrong she must have done? She shakes her head. No, she can't think like that. But still, was she once in a world different from the one she knows? The girl calls the other land 'the real world'. She hopes one day, she can return.

The girl once had tried to make herself a friend. Someone she could speak to. She spent days gathering pieces of trash. Some almost a mile away. She traveled and pieced together so many different piles of trash, and created a robot bear. She had pushed her hands in front of her, and tried with all her might to make a friend. She failed. She saw her efforts go to waste, almost crushing her spirit. Only almost. The robot bear wasn't alive, but she could speak to it from time to time. Conveying her feelings and worries to something that couldn't speak back.

But on one day, she would be changed. Another girl is among her.


	2. Another Girl

**A/N: I got wonderful reviews that inspired me to keep writing, so I had to get this out of my system.**

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><p>In this world, where nothing lives except for the young girl, another girl exists with her. The girl almost doesn't see her, sitting in the large field, breathing in the air. It's almost fall, but the air it's still warm outside. The girl knows she'll have to find some sort of cloth that she can use as a blanket, before it starts to chill as winter arrives. In this world, seasons still fall, and the girl knows much of the seasons. Why would she know such a thing? Is what she believes true? That once before, she belonged to the Real World?<p>

"This is a world where nothing lives. Nothing is born, and no one exists." The other girl speaks, ever so softly. The girl wonders how she could hear her.

"We are alone here." Amaterasu responds, as she forces her feet to step over and sit next to the girl.

The other girl looks surprised. She looks overjoyed, and happy to have someone else. But the overwhelming sadness still lingers in her eyes. She reaches over and touches Amaterasu's face. A tear slides down her cheek, melancholy forced out by the joy she feels. For now, she has another person.

"Do you have a name?" The other girl asks.

Her name? She almost forgets it. How is it that they both have normal speech patterns? There is no one here to teach either girl what words mean nor how to say them.

The girl forgets her worries and smiles at her. "I call myself Amaterasu."

"You call yourself that? Is that not your true name?" The other girl questions, wonder flickering in near lifeless eyes. Amaterasu wants to help this girl, she wants to teach her that there is more to this uninhabited place than she sees. For now they have each other.

"I was born not with a name. What is yours?" The girl responds. Her light-hued hair blows in the wind, traveling in the air before settling back down over her shoulders.

The other girl seems to find sadness in her sentence. "Haruka."

She speaks softly once more. Is that simply the way she speaks? In a low tone? Amaterasu shakes her head. No matter.

She takes Haruka's hand. "That's a beautiful name." It means faraway; distant. Why would she have a name with such a meaning..?

Haruka simply nods, a hint of a smile trying to break through her lips. It doesn't reach her eyes.


	3. Faraway

**A/N: Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! And to Kiyoshi Shitagawa, I read all my reviews, don't be silly! Your reviews in particular, are the nicest ones I've ever gotten. I can't believe someone thinks that of my stories! Thank you so much for your reviews, they're what makes me want to write even more! So If you don't have a Fanfiction account, I encourage that you make one!**

_To help with the setting: Imagine, if you will. You are alone in this world. Nothing resides in such a place except for you. How lonely would you be? Then... To have someone else with you._

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><p>This is a world that has ended, and nothing resides here except for a young girl by the name of Amaterasu. But for once, today, she is joined by another such as her.<p>

Haruka really _is _faraway and distant. She doesn't talk of herself much. But she comes from a cottage with no people around her. It's a ways from here. She has lived alone for as far back as her mind can take her. What must she have felt? Amaterasu clutched her chest, hoping to reach her heart to squeeze the pain away. Why does she feel so much for this girl? She has also lived alone for a while. Why does she care more for the other girl than herself?

"How did you arrive in this place, if it is far away?" Amaterasu leans over to look at the other girl.

"I saw the lights, they're beautiful." She continues to stare out of Amaterasu's window, still looking at the lights.

"They're said to be the happy feelings of the people in the Real World." What she just spoke surprised her. How is it she would know this? She'd always known, but when she said it to the other girl, it seemed more real.

Haruka's eyes are half lidded, she seems tired. She seems to understand what Amaterasu says, but doesn't question how she knows such a thing.

"I see..." She smiles near contently and lets her eyelids fall.

Haruka hardly ever seems happy. This is the closest she gets. She must have been worse than Amaterasu was. The loneliness. Somehow Amaterasu is surprised that she made it this long. But how would that be? Here, in a world where nothing dies? It isn't surprising that she didn't die. Yet Amaterasu still believes she's surprised. Perhaps there is more to this world than she thinks? Amaterasu lays her head on her elbow as she sits at the table. She watches Haruka, and even though she's asleep, she looks through her seemingly transparent eyelids and sees a sadness she had never known before.


	4. Fever

Amaterasu is once again company to Haruka in the large field, that stretches for miles on end. It seems this is where the girls spend most of their time, speaking occasionally to one another. Both girls are lonely, even with each other. Amaterasu wonders how that could be, they both should be happy, driven mental by the simple beauty of having one another. What else could there be, what are the pair missing?

"Do you ever wish that you could have a lifetime of happiness?" Haruka seems to answer her question, although there isn't any way she could know what she was thinking. Perhaps that is what they're missing. A little happiness. But without speaking, how can they experience pure happiness? Maybe to be lonely together is their cruel fate.

She shook her head. "I don't want to deny myself anything that makes me human. To live... With only happiness, not fear... Nor worry... Or this loneliness we both suffer from. It would be unfair, don't you think?"

Haruka nods, eyelids drooping, attempting to understand. She looks no older, nor younger than Amaterasu. Yet, she has an almost childlike quality about her that makes Amaterasu want to hug her and tell her stories to light her eyes with wonder.

"Tell me about your cottage," Amaterasu holds kindness in her voice, attempting to soothe the other girl.

She closes her eyes and breathes in lightly. "It's a small cottage." Her eyes don't open.

"There is only a blanket and a futon inside. It is more of a room." She speaks plainly, and Amaterasu wonders why her voice is hard and no softness lies within it. She feels as if she's being suffocated in the loneliness that Haruka must feel. She breathes in deeply, though it seems as if no air reaches her lungs, but disentegrates in her throat before it can reach them.

She begins to cough, and Haruka turns to her, worry flooding her eyes. "Ama-chan? Are you alright? Can you speak to me? Amaterasu?"

Amaterasu's cheeks flush and she wonders when she started calling her Ama-chan, let alone speaking her name at all. She opens her mouth to speak, but no words will come. She forms them in her brain, but they don't come out.

She tries to force her eyes open, but they close instead of minding their owner.


	5. Winter

What is this darkness? Amaterasu wonders if she's dead. But that isn't quite possible, this is a world where nothing dies. What is this, then? She's never seen a darkness as black as this. It is beyond compare to the outside darkness, that of which the moon illuminates so some light may shine upon it. This darkness is one that is never ending. Stretching for miles, not even your eyes can adjust to such a blackness.

Even in this confusion, Amaterasu feels a worry, something that has a hold on her that wills her awake.

Her eyes flutter open. She sits up quickly, cold sweat dampening her face. She presses the back of her hand to her head and pulls it back, clenching her teeth at the pain her touch brings. Instead she places it at the back of her neck. If you didn't know any better you might say her neck was warmer than the afternoon sun.

"Winter is approaching..." She whispers to no one in particular. Who, in this lonely place, would she have to speak with anyway? Amaterasu's stomach lurches as she remembers Haruka. She feels as if she's about to cry. The fever always disorients her. How could she be so careless as to forget the person she's so grateful to have?

Her bewilderment almost takes over as she realizes she's now inside her room once more. It must have been Haruka. In the past when this happens, she'd wake outside in the chilled air, threatening to worsen her condition. But she is inside, under a thin blanket on her hard floor... A blanket? She does not possess a blanket.

Her legs shake as she tries to stand, hand on the table helping to guide her to her feet.

"You aren't supposed to stand." Haruka's emotionless voice sounds quietly through the room. "You must stay under the blanket, your cold will get worse."

Despite her warning, Amaterasu walks gently over to Haruka and takes a seat next to her. "I have not a cold. I get like this every fall, it is nature's way of alerting me of the upcoming frost. You needn't worry over a trivial matter such as this."

Haruka nods.

"We must prepare for the upcoming winter," Amaterasu moves to stand and brushes off her white dress. "I must make a sweater for you and I, as well. And gather blankets from the junkyard."

"I have no thought as to how, in your condition." Haruka looks up at Amaterasu, eyes still brimming with sadness.

"I shall be fine. Come, and I'll show you a place in town near the junkyard." Amaterasu holds out a hand to her companion, and smiles as Haruka places her hand in her own. The lonely feeling still lingers, but for now is closed off in the space between their hands.


	6. Not so lonely anymore

Their hands stay clasped together as they walk.

"Winter is drawing nearer as we speak." Amaterasu looks around for something familiar to let her know she is traveling in the right direction. "We cannot stop no matter how fatigued we become,"

Haruka nods and looks to the ground.

"Why do you seem distressed?" Amaterasu leans down and peeks over at the other girl, trying to find her eyes.

Haruka looks up. "Are you sure you're fine?"

She was worried about her? Amaterasu is surprised, at least, because she's never known anyone to care for her. A warm sensation fills her stomach and she smiles. "Yes."

Ten minutes pass before a wind picks up, chilling Amaterasu. They'll have to pick up pace soon.

Haruka looks over to Amaterasu, who looks deep in thought. She's smiling.

"Do you enjoy my company?" Amaterasu looks at Haruka, head tilted. Haruka's never been the first one to start a conversation. Maybe she's beginning to feel more comfortable around her.

"You seem to smile a lot. And for some reason, I don't think that happens often..." Haruka continues when she doens't speak.

Amaterasu smiles. "I do enjoy it, very much."

Haruka beams and continues to stare down, seeming satisfied with her answer. Her smile doesn't waver for a while as they walk.

"What is this place you seek?" Haruka asks.

Amaterasu stops for a moment and looks up to the sky. "It's a junkyard, mostly. Just many parts, most of which are rusted. There's another building there, abandoned. Sometimes I wonder why those two places are there." She looks at Haruka. "But then that makes me believe that once this place wasn't so lonely. Maybe people resided here at one time. Maybe there were children that laughed and played together."

A lonely smile graces Amaterasu's lips for a moment but disappears.

Haruka releases her hand and hugs Amaterasu. "I'm here for you now, Ama-chan."

Amaterasu hugs her back before releasing her, and continues walking. Her eyes are drawn back to the sky once more, and she could promise on a thousand stars that it looked so much more blue these days.


	7. Return

Amaterasu picks up a stray piece of cloth and tucks it under her arm. She stands upright and gazes around the junkyard. Something in the sky catches her eye, and she turns toward Haruka.

"The clouds above suggest snow, we should spend our time wisely."

Haruka nods, and digs through a heap of secluded metal. In time, the pair find several pieces of fabric, but only enough to make one sweater.

"I will go and look inside of that building over there," Amaterasu calls, pointing in the direction of a large stone building. "Perhaps I will find more cloth there."

As she steps into the building, she finds a small stove. Why had she not noticed this here in the beginning? Her hand finds the handle and she opens it. Bread is inside, but it is certainly not edible. It must be years old. A glance around the room proves to be not very helpful.

She makes it back to Haruka carrying only a small amount of cloth. "I am afraid I've only found enough to make one sweater,"

She assesses Haruka before nodding. "I think my sweater from last year may fit you. You see, I've been growing so much that my sweaters never fit me for two winters."

Haruka nods and extends a hand to Amaterasu. "Shall we, then, Ama-chan?"

A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth and Amaterasu takes her hand and the pair begin to walk back to her cottage.

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><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry, this is a filler chapter. A sucky one Dx**

**But the story will progress much more quickly after this, so hang in there! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews!**


	8. Snow

A single snowflake glides down from the sky that hangs above them, and Amaterasu becomes alarmed. It is not yet winter. Why is it snowing? What will she do? Will she have enough time to make the sweaters? Her heart flutters like the wings on a butterfly.

Haruka senses her discomfort. "What is it, Ama-chan-"

Another uniquely patterned snowflake falls, this time on Haruka. Her eyes widen and she glances around, emotionless eyes scanning the area. Light patched of white are beginning to surround them, closing in on all sides. They are far gone from the junkyard that was their previous location - but still far from Amaterasu's cottage. Haruka understands. "How long until we reach your home?" She asks, pausing mid-step to look at Amaterasu.

Amaterasu counts in her head how many footsteps they've taken, and her calculations aren't great. She takes a deep breath that catches in her throat. Tears are about to brim over her glossy brown eyes, but she can't cry. Not now. They must walk. "I am not sure that we will make it back to my cottage before the snow arrives."

Haruka steps in front of Amaterasu to face her and a new found determination brings life to her eyes. "We cannot afford to think like this, Ama-chan. We have to be strong, and keep going."

Amaterasu hates it that Haruka sees the tears in her eyes, but she wipes them away with her wrist and tries to attire the same type of willpower that Haruka has.

She takes a deep breath and grasps Haruka's hand. She shivers with each snowflake that touches her bare, pale skin, and she tries to think that they'll make it, they will, before the blizzard comes. But that doesn't make it any more true.

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><p><strong>AN: Hey everyone! I'm updating a lot faster nowadays! I'm getting into the swing of things, and this story is about to go haywire. It's been a while since I've given you an author's note, so I'm going to say that I'm going to update every Saturday from now on, on every one of my ongoing stories. Now that I'm getting caught up with homework, I have a lot more time to do this.**


	9. Chapter 9

Amaterasu swears her toes are frozen and she's shivering like this is the first snow she's ever seen. It most certainly isn't, but this is the first one that she's had to brave with someone else and the worst one yet. She dares a look to her left and sees that Haruka still has a glimmer of hope in her eyes, even if they are speed-walking through a foot of snow.

Amaterasu closes her eyes and hopes that she could know the same type of hope that Haruka has but she soons discovers that's a bad idea, because she trips over something - a twig, perhaps - and chills herself all over to the bone.

"Ama-chan!" Haruka stops immediately and runs back to her, wrapping her fingers around both her wrists and yanks her upright.

Amaterasu dusts her dress off and looks around in the blinding sea of white. The constant falling snow obstructs her vision and she doesn't know where she is - she doesn't have any thought. She doesn't know which way is north or south or east or west and she has to put both hands on either side of her head to keep her thoughts from spinning out of control. She's breathing rapidly and she knows she's so stupid, so stupid for even thinking that they could make it.

She knows it's not Haruka's fault, but she thinks that maybe, just maybe if she hadn't come, then she would have left for the junkyard sooner and wouldn't have to make a new sweater and all of this would just - Stop. She shakes her head and keeps moving, knowing that that is just what Haruka is doing and if she can do it, then she can, too.


	10. Chapter 10

Amaterasu's eyes flood with worry at the growing amount of snow steadily falling down. It hasn't slowed down in the slightest bit since they started traveling. She looks to her left, alarmed at how hard it is to make out Haruka through the haze of the snow raining down.

Nothing she can see looks familiar anymore and she can't breathe because she doesn't have any idea where she is or how she's going to get home.

"I - I don't know where we are... I can't find the cottage." Amaterasu tries to speak strongly, the same way that Haruka does, but she just ends up sounding panicked beyond belief. "Nothing seems, I don't know what any of this is, the - It's not here, nothing is here." Her words come out tripping and falling on top of themselves.

"Amaterasu?" Haruka calls her by her full name, which startles Amaterasu so much that she doesn't know how to respond. But it does not matter, Haruka continues. "It's alright, Amaterasu. I know where we are. I am going to take us back to my home, instead."

Amaterasu feels that familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach, the one that makes the wetness in her eyes grow to substantial amounts and she feels terrible that Haruka has to do all of this, that her confusing words probably fall on ears that can't comprehend her. She feels a few tears drop to her cheek only to be frozen there. Her face is soaked, pretty soon, and she feels like such a child, bundled in the sweater that she had constructed out of the cloth she got, the one that she had refused at first, she could handle the cold winter the same way Haruka had.

She feels like she's in such a change in character, she feels three feet shorter, with Haruka being her protector for once, and she knows she's going to have to focus on something else or she'll get dehydrated from all the loss of water that's flooding from her eyes. She knows she has no choice but to pretend that she's brave, because Haruka is brave and she wants to feel the way Haruka does, so maybe she can still feel connected to the other girl somehow.


	11. Chapter 11

Amaterasu wraps her arms around herself and she feels like she's drowning in the snow, the way it's freezing every part of her body. She can't feel her toes anymore, and she suddenly wishes she had made a cover for them, but she had never needed any before because she was always safe inside her cottage. She suddenly feels a strike of longing, wanting to be inside the chilly cottage, because it's probably at least much warmer there.

"H-Haruka," Her teeth chatter and she tries to clamp them shut if it will make them stay still. "I - Are we getting closer?"

Haruka turns to face her and gives her a reassuring smile. "We'll get there."

Amaterasu doesn't know how to respond because that's the same answer she keeps getting. Still, some types of objects are getting closer and she can see little pieces of things everywhere. Some differ in shape, but she still thinks that at least she can see something, and not just the snow. The various objects are getting bigger and bigger, some you could even walk straight through. It frightens her, and Amaterasu doesn't know what to think, but she's sure that Haruka's expression isn't worried -

Amaterasu stops and looks around, noticing that she can't see Haruka anymore. It's still snowing, but Haruka isn't by her side anymore. Amaterasu starts to panic and looks around blinking wildly.

She searches through the objects for Haruka but she can't find her anywhere. She starts screaming her name, louder and louder each time, but she can't find her. She isn't here. She isn't anywhere.

Suddenly her heart feels empty and numb, and she comes to the conclusion that Haruka has left her, but she just kept walking without noticing. But she was there a minute ago, wasn't she?

Amaterasu sits on an object and tries to gather herself closer together so she can warm herself, but all the heat from her body has been sucked away by the snow. She will wait for Haruka.


	12. End

Amaterasu does wait. She waits and waits. For three days. On the fourth day of searching, realization strikes and she realizes that Haruka was never here, not even from the beginning. Suddenly she clutches the space in front of her heart and she can't breathe. She knows this feeling all too well, but she's never felt it to this magnitude.

It wasn't the same loneliness she'd felt before. This new feeling - whatever is was - it evaded her. It came in on her in every direction and seeped through, soaking her from both inside and outside. Her hands were at her sides, holding them, almost as if she was trying to keep herself together. But nothing she did was enough. All this time - no one was with her. Only her and someone she'd made up with no notice. Or maybe there had been signs, but she was too blind by then to see how out of touch she'd become. She couldn't see what had happened at the time. But maybe that prolonged her staying in this world, only if she was her only company. Her body quavered in desperate shakes, sliding down to her knees, still trying to move them; to force them to stay upright, as if she still had power over them. Haruka shrouded her belief that her life was worth living, that any happiness could be found in this companion-less place.

Is this what she's been doing this entire time? She's been speaking to herself? Haruka never existed. She really was faraway and distant, she only lurked inside the realms of Amaterasu's mind. She created a friend to numb the loneliness? That must have been why she felt so unwhole. It wasn't unhappiness that she lacked; it was the friend itself. She was a fool. She should have never let herself believe this. Any of this.

She looks around, bewildered, her eyes wide and teeth clenched. She feels like a vise has been wrapped around her stomach and tightened to the point of snapping her in two. Snow coats the ground everywhere she looks, the substance sparkling, as if to taunt her. Sparkling snow was something she found happiness in, but now there was nothing she could find that was special about it. In one direction, she sees a medium sized tube. She runs over to it in her disoriented state, and sits in it, rocking back and forth, trying to drown out the tears.

Let her die here, let this place pick apart whatever will she has to live. She doesn't desire to live anymore. Please, take her away and let her be reborn into the Real World. She doesn't belong here, nothing does. This is a world that should never have been created, she should not have been here in the first place.

Amaterasu shrieks, her tears breaking through her voice and ability to scream, making the sound incredibly unbearable to anyone that should hear. But her voice and screams fall on no ears, and no one should ever hear her. She grasps both sides of her head, her hair being tugged at unforgivingly, her scalp screaming in protest. This is not how she wishes to die, but if she can spare herself the crushing pain of loneliness then so be it she will. Please, stab her with loneliness and drown her in sorrow.

Her heart stops.

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><p>Fin.<p> 


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